The Hatter's Wife by Anna B. Madrise

Author:Anna B. Madrise [Madrise, Anna B.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Alice in Wonderland, urban fantasy, Fantasy, Fairy tale retelling
Publisher: Black Quill Enterprises LLC
Published: 2017-02-01T00:00:00+00:00

With all my might, I tried to channel my inner mouse.

Truthfully, I didn’t even know if I had an inner mouse, but I was about to find out.

Cautiously, and as quietly as I could manage, I traversed the forest terrain, noticing that as I went, the landscape grew thicker and mossier.

Soon, I was surrounded by nothing more than moss, mud, and mushrooms.

“Mind the mushrooms, mind the mushrooms,” I muttered under my breath.

Never mutter over your breath; the chances of being overheard increase exponentially.

“Do you mind?”

I whirled around in every direction. “Who said that?”

“I never said that. You said that,” the voice replied smoothly. “I only asked, ‘Do you mind?’”

Above me, a flicker of bluish-green caught my eye. Leaning over the top of a vast red mushroom cap was a caterpillar with a monocle placed over his left eye.

“Your monocle is over the wrong eye,” I noted.

The caterpillar slid down farther to me. “How would you know? Have you ever worn one?”

“No, I can’t say that I have,” I retorted.

“Then you could not possibly know which eye is correct.” He slid back up to the ledge of the mushroom cap. “You are changing the subject. I asked you, ‘Do you mind?’ ”

“Do I mind what?” This caterpillar and I were not off to the best of starts.

The caterpillar rolled his eyes as if to suggest I should already know the answer. “You are very loud—stomping around the mosses—and you have interrupted my quiet time. Therefore, I ask you a third time, do you mind?”

It is rare that I become speechless, but the caterpillar truly had me at a quandary. I paused, not knowing what answer he wanted to hear.

Small had more disadvantages than advantages.

It irked me.

I was irked.

Would a caterpillar eat a shrunken woman?

“I’m not sure how to answer that. Do I mind interrupting your quiet time, or do I mind minding in general?”

The caterpillar held his tiny hands up as if to shrug. “Either answer will suffice, for they are one and the same.”

“Then, I must say that I don’t mind.” I confidently stood my ground, which wasn’t very commanding from my viewpoint, but there you have it. “I don’t mind at all. In fact, you were in my way.”

Ha! Take that, you nosy larva.

He slid down closer to me again.

I wished he would make up his mind.

“I figured you would say as much,” he took his time finishing his thought. “After all, it is something that a Queen would say – very fitting.”

“But I’m not a Queen—not really.” I wondered how much longer it would be until Sugar’s potion wore off. Once I was full-size again, I could squash this caterpillar without giving him a second thought. As it was, I was at the mercy of his most maddening conversation.

“You are the Queen of Spades, are you not?” Now he was draped over the red cap as he settled in for a spell.

Settling in for a spell can be the death of someone. Much like talking someone to death is still a crime in Topside, settling in for a spell is equally horrific.

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